if we are up in time for octonauts… it’s too early

day 20 of the challenge - get real. share something you’re struggling with right now.

i’m going to be very literal with this post & tell you about something i am struggling with right this minute: keeping my eyes open! i’m pretty sure i slept walked {is that even correct?} the entire way to work with a baby strapped to my chest & a backpack strapped to my back. i looked like a huge round pod creating my own bubble. if i spun around in circles i could have taken out at least 3 people in my vicinity {think tasmanian devil when he really gets going} and i LOOK like the little fur ball t.devil also. my hair was “air dried” last night since i did not have time to dry it of course, we barely had time to shower & if you know me at all then you know what sort of a lions mane i had this morning. it’s frightening to see. there was NO way possible to straighten this mess, so that hair had to go up into a top knot however when it’s out of control wavy & frizzed it doesn’t want to stay – so let’s just say it’s “art” on my head, creative & messy & a lot of hairspray. i then put on my work pants that haven’t been washed {sorry it’s true} along with a shirt i THINK was clean, then madison spit up on it as i was leaving. i used a wipe, sniffed it and determined it was acceptable to leave in since there was no time to change. but wait let’s back up to the sleep walking.. madison didn’t sleep last night, like AT ALL — this is not her usual style, she is a sleeper! she woke up around midnight when brian got home & he went to feed her so i could sleep a little. well, let me just tell you, then a half hour later i was awoken to “KELLY KELLY KELLY” madison had puked everywhere. & i mean everywhere. crib, carpet, brian… it was def a two person clean up job lol – i think she chugged her bottle a little too fast & just decided whelp that was too much milk. she smiled afterward as if to say “teehee, did i do that?” & so there was mattress cleaning, sheet changing, clothes changing, hosing off of baby, diaper changing & at that point, she was hungry again. party girl was in full effect last night, maybe she hung out with her aunt beth too much this weekend! i did get her to fall asleep in two different 1 hour increments between the hours of 12am-6am but only if i held her in my arms. there was no putting her back down last night, so i slept sitting up with my head falling off a pillow holding little bebe in my arms. needless to say this is why i was sleep walking this morning – & this is why i am currently struggling to keep my eyes open. i would love to lay down my little head on top of my keyboard and take a nap. hopefully nobody smells my puked on shirt or notices my disheveled appearance. if anyone wants to come do my laundry tonight, or bring me a milkshake & a cup of coffee, that would be lovely. thanks. xoxo, tired mama

blog stalk & our first family 5k!

day 19 of the challenge - five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them

MODG – i believe the author is my mommy soul mate. it makes me giggle all the time & i total relate to her. she isn’t afraid to say all the things the rest of us moms are thinking. she is hysterical – i can relate to her “about me” when she says her blog’s goal is to find a way to have both your martinis and diaper genies. Except not at the same time. And don’t put the martini IN the diaper genie. if you are a mom – add her to your blog roll immediately!

fairy tales are true – sarah makes everything seem whimsical & beautiful. her blog is full of amazing pictures, words of wisdom & inspiration to many {just read the comments left & you will see} she is also an amazing example of faith & overcoming great obstacles in life. i relate to her “about me” when she says i‘ve got a big crush on my husband & i am a celebrate-a-holic. i celebrate everything =)

atlantic pacific – for my fashion advice & ideas… blair is totally creative & unique & i want to raid her closet

running on happiness - katie is beautiful, bright & fun. i enjoy her outfits/fashion posts, her happiness diary, her adorable puppies & her tutorials {i’ve learned how to do a hair bow!} — i can relate to her “about me” where she says she sometimes likes to dance in the middle of a grocery store aisle, b/c well… ME TOO {brian runs away from me immediately when this happens}

journeys of commitment – lauren is an inspiration, an amazing writer & a truly faithful woman of God. her posts usually bring tears to my eyes. she can capture a moment with words far better than anyone else i have ever met. i wish i had her gift!

and in other parts of my life… today we ran in the NYPD memorial 5k to support our hubbies! the 5k is in memorandum of fallen officers & the money goes for scholarships for any children of an NYPD Member of the Service who died in the line of duty. we made shirts that said the real housewives of the nypd and have been tweeting andy cohen all day suggestion a new bravo show. i mean we’d be entertaining to say the least madison even had her own special shirt – the real DAUGHTER of the NYPD. minus the pouring rain it was a great day spent with friends supporting a great cause. thanks for everyone who joined our race team!

squeezing out a childhood memory…

day 18 of the challenge - tell a story from your childhood. dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.

the most vivd memory i have of my childhood is my brother’s 16th birthday, which would have made me 6 years old. if you have an older sibling then you will understand this post. you’ll understand how you think {or at least at some point thought} they are the coolest thing in the entire world. i thought {and still think} my brother is the cat’s meow. i wanted to do everything just like he did, and be everywhere he was. i was most likely a gnat floating around him that he wished he could swat away because he was this ultra cool teenager & i was a runty 6 year old with big red rimmed glasses. but never the less he couldn’t get rid of me that easily. & on his 16th birthday his g/f at the time threw him a surprise party in our basement. i remember being really super excited & trying to be sneaky allllll day because i knew about it & i wasn’t supposed to tell him. a 6 year old trying to hide suspicious giggles is no easy task. BUT i didn’t spill the beans. he came home that night & they had staged it so my mom would yell at him for not doing his laundry & send him to the basement to get it done – this was plausible because our mother is a NEAT freak. not doing your laundry or cleaning your room was grounds for a butt kicking. so head lowered, on his birthday down to the basement he went to do laundry… when SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEE everyone was down there for his big birthday bash, everybody but me… they told me i couldn’t go because it wasn’t for little kids. i remember being so sad, to this day clearly lol. i sat at the top of the basement stairs all night & listened until i fell asleep. i wasn’t budging so my parents left me. & after the party ended i remember my brother scooping me up & carrying me to bed. i slept in his bed that night with him and he let me watch bevis & butthead {sorry mom, it’s todd’s fault} & i remember going to sleep happy that he hadn’t forgotten about me after all. i don’t remember much about being little but i remember that birthday, & when i think about it i remember just how much i love my brother. & just how much i idolized him growing up. today’s challenge is even more appropriate for today because he currently just left for a training job overseas to a dangerous area. todd is x-military. his work is still risky & i worry for him all the time. stay safe big brother, i love you. always have always will. xx, the queen

favorite photo? how will i ever choose…

day 17 of the challenge - a favorite photo of yourself and why

this is {one of} my favorite photos of myself because i think a great photo should capture an intimate moment. not a staged “look here & smile” moment but one that you feel like you are witnessing without the person’s knowledge. almost an intrusion. & i think this smile on my face & this look captures my love for my husband. this was right when the nypd pipes & drums made their appearance at our wedding. it was my gift to brian, and he had no idea. i’ve said it once & i will say it a million times but to see a big smile on that handsome face of his is what i strive for every day. this was the happiest day of my life. without THIS day, there wouldn’t have even been a madison. our wedding was the catalyst for the rest of our lives together. i am also very partial to THIS photo {below} even though it’s smiley / posed =) and well, simply b/c we look good here kid! ha! thank you kristen for all of our amazing photos & captured memories. xx

and in other parts of my life i’m having an instagram @mrstoes giveaway today for chloe + isabel pave hedgehog earrings, they are adorbs! follow me on instagram to enter!!! you can enter daily until sunday at midnight, when a winner will be chosen

real housewives of the nypd

day 16 of the challenge - something difficult about your “lot in life” and how you’re working to overcome it

well, i’ve discussed this before briefly. probably not in as much as detail as anybody cares about, but since the question has been presented here goes… being a cop’s wife is difficult. not as difficult as being a cop & the things that they have to deal with on a daily basis, but being the family behind a cop has it’s challenges as well. brian works the 3pm-midnight shift & i work a 9-5. we see each other at 8:20 am every morning when i bring madison into bed to watch mickey mouse clubhouse wit him. i sit on the edge of the bed & relay anything from the previous night, when she ate last, which bottles to use in the fridge that i made for him, anything that needs to get done for the day, etc. then i kiss all three of my babies and i head out the door. i see him again around 12:30 am when he crawls into bed. i used to get up with him & talk about his day & mine & spend time together but lately we’re both too tired to get in much time. usually a “how was your day” & then we’re both in dream land. he works this shift 5 days, then he has 3 days off, then he works this shift 5 days and then he has 2 days off, so his days off constantly rotate. this means that he also doesn’t have many weekends off. only once every 3.5 months. & holidays, forget about it! he gets what is known as a “holiday squad” where they get all the good holidays off once every three years. otherwise – i just expect to be alone, or i guess now – with madison. this schedule has been very tough on us. it was tough on us before the baby, it’s very tough now. trying to maintain a loving & happy marriage when you’re exhausted & never see each other is hard. it’s hard to communicate well through texts & phone calls, and minimal face time. HOWEVER, we make it work. we have always made it work. we text constantly, we send each other pictures, we try to include each other in our daily lives apart from each other as much as possible. i think about him all day every day & because of technology we are able to share everything even though we aren’t sitting next to each other. his arms may not be able to hold me all the time but his words surround me. sometimes i don’t even know if he realizes how much i appreciate it. it would be very easy for us to get off track & to talk less – love less – but i think we are doing a great job. i think we’re being great parents, albeit we’re like single parents sometimes on different schedules – but i think we are doing an amazing job maintaining our relationships. being in love. being parents. being friends. it is something we work at every day, and i pray we never give up on each other. love you bri

dear madison {4 months}

i can’t believe you have been in the world already 4 months. everyone at this point usually says “at the same time i can’t quite remember what life was like before you arrived.” but that’s not true… those silly mommys. i am pretty sure i remember that i had fewer lines around my eyes, my hair was done more often & my body was quite a bit “firmer.” i remember i could go to happy hour after work, or stop in at bloomies w/o alerting the babysitter. i remember making last minute plans with your daddy & staying out too late exploring this city that never sleeps. i remember what it was like before you. but what i can say is that even though i remember all of that, i wouldn’t go back. i wouldn’t trade you for late nights or being beautiful. i wouldn’t trade you for a thing in this world. it’s now our turn to watch you experience the world. we were very good at being young & crazy, but watching you discover things & laugh & grow has been the greatest gift & best experience this life could ever give us. everything else up until we met you was simply preparing us. we now know how to protect you, how to love you, how to teach you. & even though these past 4 months have been hard {no kid you’re not a peach all the time} it has also been rewarding beyond measure. there isn’t really anything else i can say i have done with this life that has had meaning. but you my dear, you are my purpose. & i will spend the rest of my days making sure that you are happy. remember that always. just like i will remember everything before you & treasure all those moments just as much as i always have.

4 month milestones: you’re holding up your head very well on your own – strong baby muscles – you enjoy the hot dog song from mickey’s club house entirely too much, especially when daddy sings it to you – you like to dance around the room & fly on pillows, similar to a magic carpet ride – you drool more than your father when he sleeps {& that’s a lot} – you will sleep out of your swaddle sometimes, although you still prefer the burrito – you love the morning, like LOVE LOVE LOVE it – you still don’t take many naps, too much world to see i guess. too much living to do – you like the sound of your own voice & are very talkative – you still continue to make us laugh every day! & oh yeah, we love you =)

dragons are tasty

and of course day 15 of the challenge: a day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day – this could be “a photo an hour” if you’d like)        I’ll fill this out as i go today!

6:00 am madison stirs. it starts with little grunts & squeaks to alert us “mommy & daddy i am awake in here” – i  squeeze in another 15-20 min nap then crying “get the hell in here i said i’m awake!”

7:00 am madison eats & plays! i  wash bottles, check emails & wonder if i will get in a shower today {turns out today i did not}

8:00 am heading to work – coffee is a must. they always get my name wrong even though i am there every single day. who is helen?

9:00 am arrive at work, check emails, bang head on keyboard

10:00 am conference call

11:00 am pumping! oh the joys of being a working mom still breastfeeding. i will spare you the photo for 11am

12:00 pm team meeting & summer analyst schedules

1:00 pm lunch time usually consists of a local food truck. food trucks make me happy. today it is

2:00 pm check my fantasy baseball team, blog, personal sanity check

3:00pm pumping again…

4:00pm emails emails emails

5:00 pm time to head home! subway rush hour is always lovely

6:00 pm playtime w/ baby girl

7:00 pm fussy time with baby girl

8:00 pm madison goes to bed, mommy makes dinner & washes bottles & does laundry

9:00 pm relaxation

10:00 pm bed time

11:00 pm sleeeeeeep

12:00 am wake up when brian gets home & pray to god madison doesn’t wake up

1:00 am-6:00 am sleep {most nights} sometimes we have an appearance from madison for a feeding in there

things that make me REALLY happy

day 14 of the challenge: ten things that make you really happy

these are listed in no particular order & i MAY have lumped a few together, but what can i say. a lot of things make me happy!

- madison. the bb. the butterball. my smiley daughter.

- brian. the hubby. the hairypanda. julio sanchez. my partner in crime & my best friend.

- our Christmas’s in Kentucky. time spent with my family. i look forward to it all year.

- craft beer. shiner bock. ruby redbird especially. fransiskaner. all hefeweizen. breckenridge agave wheat. dogfish aprihop. the list goes on & on

- photography. capturing moments. making photo memory books.

- theme parties. dressing up in ridiculous costumes & decorating / cooking for the occasion.

- the fall. sunny days that are warm enough for flip flops but cool enough for a light sweater.

- fashion. sparkles. neon. glitter. hair bows. {i’m making this one category}

- book club & reading {nerd alert} updating my goodreads account is exciting for me.

- food! i am a total foodie. trying new cuisines, experimenting with cooking. making brian try things, and watching the reaction on his face {he’s picky. verrrry very picky}